did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
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two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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