My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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