Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
