Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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