fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
