Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
