singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
