So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
