dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
