i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
