WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
