Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
