a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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