take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
