just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
