Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
