I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
