i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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