So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
