I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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