Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
