WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
