forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
