sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
