You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
