I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
