Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
