doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
