My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
