I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
