Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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