I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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