Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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