Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
