literally had 100 drinks last night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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