I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
