At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
