she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
