I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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