Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
