I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
