It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize