I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
