Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
