Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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