No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
