Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
