If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
