Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
