have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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