he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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