So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
