And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In other news, I just burned my penis
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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