Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
