Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
how drunk are you?
Several
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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