We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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