I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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