i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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