tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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