Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
