It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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