Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
