The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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