Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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