Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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