i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you will always have a special place in my vag
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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