If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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