Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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