She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
