Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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