So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FUCK WHALES
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
