Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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