drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
