It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
