i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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