ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
