My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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