I puked a lego.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
