I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
