Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
