I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize