You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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