Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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